Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
