I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
