if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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