you guys were way drunker than both of me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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