What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
