Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
