On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Holy sore nipples Batman
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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