last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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