She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
