That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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