your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
with your own penis?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
