look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
