well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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