you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
