So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize