I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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