oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
