Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
