I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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