it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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