I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize