Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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