This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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