i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
