If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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