My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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