when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
