That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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