thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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