That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
