hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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