i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't put those talents on a resume
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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