I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
