After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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