so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
