i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize