Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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