honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
