she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
