okay pat passed out under dana's car
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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