I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
