I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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