I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
