toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
