had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
