He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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