She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
