And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
