Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
