You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
