shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
