Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
