I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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