im six kinds of drunk right now
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
