I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just pynch a tree in the face
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tonight lets celebrate not being married
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
