He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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