Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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