Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
