you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
