There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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