i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
