I look better un-naked...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
