No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
