Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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