okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I stole a fireplace last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
