No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
