he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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