Got a toothbrush?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
