Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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