I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
