You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
