Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need to stop coming to work sober
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
