he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize