He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize