wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize